*This story was submitted to The First Line Literary Journal for their Winter 2024 issue.

The parking lot was empty. “How many times?” Finley asked herself. Losing count at some point was a given. Same shit every day…

At first, she thought this was all a lucid nightmare. Every night, when she put her head on her pillow or died at some point throughout the day, she wished to wake up in her bed. Of all the days she could get stuck in, this was the most infuriating one. Even though she had dreamed of this day for so long, its climax never happened. But she kept trying.

The first couple of days of the loop were a bit stale. Finley’s confusion did not allow her to do anything of value. She spent most of that time waiting and waiting. Hoping for the middleman’s arrival seemed to be the only choice she had until the point where she started losing her mind. Hours of doing anything but waiting was an awful plan for a day, but doing the exact same for more than once was worse.

After spending countless days searching for the ‘middleman’, running around the city, getting run over by cars, and even going to police stations to see if he got caught, she found him beaten up in an alley. His hands broken, his eyes swollen. Whoever did this knew him. They knew that he was deaf. Finley and him have been communicating with each other via notes. Finley knew nothing of sign language and wasn’t interested in learning it either.

He was wearing the same clothes as always: blue jeans with lots of holes, which had happened naturally, some random T-shirt that didn’t fit the rest of the outfit, grey shoes that were once white, and a black coat. The only difference was his gloves. They were lying down next to him, covered in blood. For someone who faints every time they have to give a blood sample, she reacted to this scenery rather calmly. “Ambulance is on its way,” she said. It took her a while to realize what she’s done. She slapped her palm onto her forehead.

Finley grabbed her notebook and started writing. She wasn’t sure if he could see. “You’re gonna be fine. I called the ambulance. Don’t worry,” she wrote, even though she didn’t believe in it. She just wanted to comfort him.

Paramedics were horrified-not because of his injuries but because a high school girl was the one who found him. While they were carrying him to the ambulance, one of the paramedics approached Finley with a warm smile. Oh, she has a lovely smile, she thought, watching the paramedic walk towards her. She expected some questions, but what she got was a hug. She froze. She wanted to hug her back, but her arms weren’t responding.

”Would you like me to call your parents or a friend,” the paramedic asked.

”I need to see if he’ll make it.”

”You don’t know him, don’t you?”

”No… I don’t, but-”

The paramedic patted her head and said, “Okay, but I can’t let you sit on the back. Go on, hop onto the front seat.”

Finley was experiencing an emotional overload. She was scared. She was angry. She was worried. She was relieved. At least I managed to find him, she thought. But she wasn’t hopeful. His injuries looked like something out of a gory movie. Surviving this was one thing, but getting conscious before midnight… she knew that was impossible.

”You skipped school today, huh?”

It took Finley a while to realize that the question was directed at her.

”I-I did, yeah,” she said.

”Don’t worry, I won’t snitch,” the lady winked at her and continued, “The days I’d skipped school were always the best. Every single time, without a doubt, we just hit the arcade. Of course, those days weren’t as dramatic as yours though.”

That joke caught Finley off guard. Her eyes widened as much as possible. Her jaw stopped resisting against the gravity. She covered her face with both her hands and started laughing.

”Thanks… I needed that.” The paramedic looked proud of herself. It was evident that she wanted to get her relaxed. She chose the right job, Finley thought.

She spent the rest of her day at the hospital, waiting. With every passing minute, her hopes started fading away. After a while, she couldn’t fight the tiredness and decided to take a little nap. She wasn’t sure if that would trigger the loop to reset, but she was willing to take the risk. He’s not gonna wake up anyway, she thought. Unfortunately, her nap was cut short. She felt a gentle tap on her shoulder. ”Sorry to bother you, miss. We’d like to ask you some questions about the guy you’ve found.”

Two officers were standing right in front of her. She couldn’t help getting nervous. She took a deep breath and rubbed her eyes.

”No problem, sir,” she answered with a smile. “Of course, I’d like to help.”

”Thanks, miss. Firstly, would you mind telling us your name, please?”

”Finley Lewis,” she said and handed her ID to him.

”Our investigators are currently at the crime scene, gathering evidence. As you are the one that found the victim, Miss Lewis, we’re hoping to get as much info as we can from you,” the officer said before taking a huge sip from his coffee. He looked tired.

”Please take a seat, sir,” Finley said. Officers looked at each other and nodded in sync. She wanted to make sure that they wouldn’t get suspicious of her. She was doing well.

”Thanks, miss. Now, can you please walk us through your day until the point when you find the victim?”

She gulped calmly.

”I-I might’ve skipped school.”

”Did you have any friends with you, or did you just skip it by yourself?”

”By myself. It was an impulsive decision. I just didn’t feel like going to school.”

”Happens to the best of us. Please, continue.”

”I haven’t really done anything, to be honest. I wandered around the city, listening to music. It sounds a bit boring, I know… And then, just as I was passing through there- Oh, I should mention, I was on a bus.”

”Okay, when the bus was passing through there,” the officer corrected the sentence.

”I noticed someone lying down in that alley, and I got off the bus at the next stop and sprinted there. Honestly, I didn’t really get a good look from the bus, so I couldn’t notice the state he’s in, but I think we can call it a hunch. I felt like he needed help.”

The officers looked at each other, and without saying a word, they seemed like they agreed. Finley felt more nervous than ever. Not knowing what they’d agreed on was scary. She noticed her breaths getting heavier and her heart rate climbing.

”Did you notice anything suspicious around the scene?”

”I don’t know…”

”That’s fair. It’s not every day you encounter something like that,” the officer said. Finley was deep in her thoughts, imagining different outcomes, most of them being not so ideal. But when the officer said his last words to her, she relaxed like never before.

”Okay, Miss Lewis… We know that you’re not lying. CCTV footage we were given had you sprinting down the street in it, so I think that’s all for now, but if anything new comes up, we’ll be in touch again. Thank you for your cooperation and for possibly saving the victim’s life. Take care.”

A huge weight was lifted off Finley’s shoulders. At least, that’s how relieved she felt. “It’s time to nap,” she whispered and wasted no time going back to sleep. A couple of hours later, a doctor approached her. ”You were the one that found him, right?”
Finley nodded. “The operation was a success. He’ll live. If you were a little bit too late, he wouldn’t have survived. Good job!”
”Can I talk to him?” she already knew the answer.

”Unfortunately, no. Don’t expect him to regain consciousness any time soon. I’d advise you to just go back home and check on him tomorrow. But I can’t promise you that he’ll be awake.”

She wanted to scream. Whatever… I know where I can find him. I’ll go straight to him, and maybe I can even prevent it, Finley hoped. ”Sir, thank you so much for saving him,” she said with a proud smile. She was faking it. It’s time to reset the loop and try again…

The parking lot was empty, and she wasted no second in there, but her whole world came crawling down when she found him in the exact same state. She was doing everything she could to not cry. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER! She didn’t know that she could scream in her head. Finley knew she had to call an ambulance again. She was hoping that he could wake up today. There is a chance, she kept thinking. She couldn’t be more wrong. The ambulance arrived there quickly, but it had stricter paramedics. They wasted no time calling her parents. Another failed attempt…

The parking lot was empty and stayed that way for many more days. Finley kept taking the same course of action but with different timing. With each new attempt, she called the ambulance a little bit later. She was hoping to come across that lovely paramedic again. Maybe if I can manage to time this to perfection and get her to be the one coming to help earlier, I might have a chance. She later found that thought to be naive. It wasn’t to be. The only time she came to help happened to be her first try. “How?” she kept asking herself. She wasn’t hopeless yet. She knew she would find a way at some point. Though, even her self-belief couldn’t soften her anger. What have I done to deserve this? she kept thinking. She knew the answer and just ignored it.

Finley always struggled with accepting her mistakes. This was probably her most significant ‘defect.’ As if that wasn’t already bad enough, she was also stubborn. Once she decides on something, it’s almost impossible to change her mind. So, giving up wasn’t an option, but she did give up on the ambulance solution. Getting him to the hospital led to nothing. ”Why do I keep trying?”

She couldn’t help but ask herself that exact same question over and over again. Was she happy? She wasn’t. Was she depressed? Most definitely. Did she want to just disappear? She’s been trying, but she still wasn’t sure if this was the right way to do it. Getting sold to some random rich guy to be his wife? No. I will basically be a toy, she thought. I’d rather be somewhere else doing whatever than being miserable here… I will find a way.

Finley spent a couple of days just brainstorming. Keeping him safe wasn’t on the cards, which made things almost impossible. She had no idea how to reach out to the traffickers. I need to communicate with him somehow, she kept repeating. Iteration was an integral part of her thinking process. Eyes closed, focused on the end goal. ”YES!” she shouted, and then carried on to saying, “Shit…”

I need to learn sign language, she found a promising idea. There was just a ‘tiny’ problem that had to be solved first. He couldn’t see. I have to make a little cut on his eye to reduce the swelling, she thought, but even the thought of it made her light-headed. She wasn’t happy with where she ended up after the brainstorming session, but that was all she had.

She spent many more days in the loop. She decided that she didn’t need to learn the whole language. I just need to get some info out of him, she thought and had no problem learning what she needed. There was a more significant issue. Finley spent hours in a library, reading books on human anatomy and watching videos about swollen eyes and how to treat them. She preferred reading over watching videos; her stomach couldn’t take it. How did I stay so calm when I first found him? she wondered, but there was no time to waste thinking about the past, even though she knew that she had all the time in the world.

Her first attempt at cutting his eyes open was an epic failure. She misjudged the thickness of the swelling, cut right through his eye, and fainted herself. ‘Trial and error’ is a beautiful thing, she whispered the ‘next day’ when she woke up in the parking lot. She always loved rogue-like video games, and getting stuck in a loop felt satisfying in a weird way. She just wished her own rogue-like game was more forgiving…

Nailing the cut proved to be way more challenging than Finley had anticipated. She accepted that this would take severe amounts of tries, but because this was her only plan, she had to reset the loop every time she failed the cut. Maybe I can wait until midnight, Finley first thought. She disagreed with herself after the first couple of days. After that, every new failure meant there was going to be a new suicide. She started by jumping in front of cars but quickly realized that the success rate wasn’t 100%. I’d rather not die slowly, she thought and started jumping off of rooftops. ”If I ever get out of this loop, I have to start bungee jumping or something,” was a sentence she never thought she would say. Even with the new excitement she has found, Finley couldn’t stop getting angry at herself. It shouldn’t be this fucking hard to cut his fucking eye open, she kept screaming in her head. Her blood was boiling, but she couldn’t think of a better plan. Finley hated herself for what she was doing, but she was relentless. Her commitment was astonishing. For days, for weeks, she woke up at the parking lot and went straight to him; tried opening up both his eyes, failed, and dived down to her death. She experienced this one-hour period over and over again until that day…

”I’ve done it… I’ve fucking done it!”

She wanted to run around and maybe even dance, but this was her chance. First, she made sure that he was conscious. Then, she asked him to move his eye up and down to say yes and side to side to say no. When she asked him if he understood, his eyes moved up and down. Her temptation to dance grew, but she managed to restrain it.

I’ll ask him if he can give me an address or a phone number. If he says yes to one of them, I’ll get the info and deal with this myself. I just hope he gives me a phone number rather than an address. It would take so long to go through the whole alphabet, who knows how many times, but it shouldn’t matter how long it takes. I need to… no, I have to find them. Maybe they can help him, too. Finley went through the plan in her head once more and hoped that it would work straight away.

”I have to find them. Can you give me an address?”

His eye moved from side to side.

”Can you give me a phone number?”

Same movement.

”Will you help me after you heal?”

Same movement.

”Give me something, please…”

Same movement.

”Why? Why? I tried saving your ass so many times, and is this what I get in return?” Finley had to say this out loud. She didn’t know that many words in sign language.

She kept whining for a while. She wasn’t angry at him, but she was at the same time. He has no idea how many times I’ve come to his rescue, she thought. At least, that’s what she hoped. What if every time the loop resets, he finds himself here in this state and remembers it all? She hated that thought.

Finley’s breakdown ended when she realized his eye moving back and forth between her and something down the alley. She knew how to say the words ‘find’ and ‘something.’

”Find something?” she said with an exaggerated ‘asking expression.’

His eyes moved up and down. “Finally,” she whispered and headed down the alley.

There were many ripped-apart trash bags and a couple of trash bins at their total capacity. They said, ‘We will be the cleanest city in the country.’ Yeah, guys, it looks like we’re getting there. Finley couldn’t even vote yet, but she already knew who she would not be voting for. The smell was horrendous, but she had no excessive energy to waste on complaining. She got straight into it, but not with her hands. That’s a bit too much, she thought. There was a broken mopping stick lying down on the floor. It didn’t look clean, but it seemed preferable over using her hands.

”How am I supposed to know what I’m looking for,” Finley was getting frustrated and didn’t want to spend more time searching through the trash. She threw the mopping stick like a javelin and moved away from the bins. Just as she started walking, she noticed something stuck between two bins. Please be somewhat clean, she wished and reached out to it. ”That’s his freaking notebook,” she shouted with happiness, but her happiness didn’t last for long.

”This is what I deserve but your beauty deserves a beautiful life.”

Finley couldn’t believe that was the only thing written in the notebook, and it was definitely his handwriting. She looked through the pages multiple times, but there was nothing else. What’s going on? she kept thinking as she walked back to him. She crouched in front of him with the page open. She wanted to ask him why, but his eye was already moving up and down. The note was written down for her; that was obvious. Finley was shaking her head, rubbing her eyes. She couldn’t decide how to react.

”Please give me an address or something…”

Side to side.

”Help me, please.”

Up and down.

”YOU WILL HELP ME?”

He moved his eye up and down and looked straight at the notebook.

”No-no-no… Address or a phone number.”

He kept looking at the notebook. Just as Finley was about to lose it, she saw a tear running down his eye. They made eye contact and stared at each other for a couple of seconds before he moved his eye up and down for one last time. “I will help you,” Finley said. She knew she was coming back here tomorrow. She just wanted to comfort him for now. But his eye moved side to side, and he lost consciousness. Finley couldn’t do anything but close her eyes. The amount of time she has spent just to ask him a few questions felt like a waste. It didn’t work, she said in her head, but she had no intention of dwelling on it. She pulled herself together and went to her favorite rooftop.

The parking lot was empty. I can pull off the cut again. She needed to boost her self-confidence. Finley knew the exact pace at which she should be walking to catch the bus on time. As she was getting off the bus, she realized that, for the first time, she actually paid attention to other people on the bus. He is cute, she thought, about a guy who seemed to be skipping school as well. She was only a couple of meters away from the alley when she stopped walking. She tilted her head upwards and looked at the sky. It was a sunny day, but it didn’t feel hot. That was her favorite weather. She stood there for almost a minute, but it felt like she was there for eternity. Your beauty deserves a beautiful life. Your beauty deserves a beautiful life. That sentence kept echoing in her mind. She didn’t like the sound of it. “I thought he was just deaf, but it turns out he’s also blind,” she whispered, and turned around. There should be a cinema a couple blocks down, she thought. It was time to have some fun.

Watching horror movies was one of her favorite things to do. So, when she found out that a horror movie was airing, she wasted no time deciding which movie to watch. It was from a director she never heard before. Oooh, this is gonna be exciting, she thought, and it was. She wasn’t sure if she liked it or not, but it was definitely quite exciting. The plot was a bit cliché and overused, but she still wanted to see the ending. Somehow, it managed to keep Finley on the edge of her seat. “Hmm… What can I do next?”

She decided to go to a mall. There was an outdoor sports shop she wanted to visit. Finley’s heart rate started climbing as soon as she entered the shop. I’ve walked past this shop so many times. Why has it taken me this long to get into it? she asked herself. She was mesmerized mainly by the climbing equipment. Harnesses, protective gear, chalk, shoes with weird soles. She spent a lot of time in the climbing section and got noticed by a lady in her late 20s.

”They look so cool, aren’t they?”

Finley got scared. She was probably more scared than when she was watching the movie.

”Uh- Yeah…”

”You don’t really need to buy equipment to get into it, don’t worry.”

Hearing that made Finley happy. Before she could say anything, the woman continued.

”I’m Ashley,” she said.

“I’m Finley.”

”There is a bouldering gym not too far away. Would you like to try it out? It’s on me.”

Finley wasted no time thinking and answered, ”I’d like that, but I’ll pay for it.”

”If you say so, young lady… Let’s get you into climbing!” her enthusiasm fired Finley up.

”You just left; why are you back here again?” asked the receptionist with his arms open and a smile on his face.

”I bumped into this young lady in the mall. She was staring at the climbing equipment, so I thought, why not? Let’s get her into climbing.”

”And she came with you? Young lady, you’re brave.”

Finley shrugged proudly.

”Yeah, she’ll be fine. Let’s go in; you already paid for the whole day,” said the receptionist.

Finley reached into her backpack.

”You can go in. See this as a free trial. If you like it and want to come back here for more, that’s when we’ll ask for your money.”

”Thanks…” Finley said softly and followed the lady in. The following two hours involved some of the most fun times Finley has ever had. Ashley is an excellent teacher, she thought, and that wasn’t even the most incredible thing about her. Ashley’s climbing skills were jaw-dropping. Finley didn’t know anything about the levelling scales of the walls, but watching her climb walls that were almost parallel to the floor made it easy to guess those were some high-level walls. Finley herself wasn’t doing bad either. “You have the knack for it,” Ashley said with a huge smile after Finley cleared a V2 grade wall, which is somewhat impossible for most beginners to do on their first day. I love this, Finley kept thinking. Before leaving the gym, they exchanged phone numbers, and Ashley made sure Finley promised her that she would continue bouldering. “Pinky promise,” Finley said, and Ashley nodded with a smile. A pinky promise was made.

Finley still had way more energy than she assumed she would, but all she wanted at that moment was to sit at a cafe and drink some black coffee while reading a book. I need to buy a book, she thought, and luckily, she managed to find a library on her way to the cafe, but it turned out to be unnecessary, yet so fortunate.

Finley found a window seat on the second floor of the cafe. She’s never been a fan of cold coffees, but she wanted to try something different that day and ordered a ‘Japanese cold brew.’ It’s not really for me, she thought after taking a tiny sip. At least I tried it. Now I know I don’t like it. Even though she was disappointed with her order, it didn’t affect her joyous mood. The book she borrowed from the library turned out to be decent. Its strong first chapter made her want to finish it in one sitting. Unfortunately, or fortunately, she couldn’t do that. As Finley read her book, she heard a familiar voice say, “I love that book.”

She looked up and saw a guy wearing the same uniform as her. “Hi, Cody,” Finley said with a shy voice. They’d never interacted before, but he was the only guy at their school that Finley found interesting and quite attractive. She was fighting back against the blushing her face wanted to perform, and she was doing great, but he wasn’t. His cheeks started turning red as soon as Finley opened her mouth. She noticed it, which made it harder for her not to blush, but thanks to the loop, her calmness in every situation has been improved massively. “I assume you skipped school too,” Finley said. I would’ve struggled with small talk before, she thought. “Yeap. I forgot to do some homework. Skipping felt like a good escape plan,” he said, smiling with parsed lips. He knew it wasn’t a good escape plan. “Would you like to join me?” Finley asked. I’ve lost the plot, she thought, but he didn’t waste a second to accept the invitation.

She watched Cody gather his stuff from his table. The way he put his book into the backpack seemed rather neat. His movements looked calculated yet so flowing. Even the way he put his backpack on was smooth. What the hell are these thoughts, she asked herself. She was excited to be finally talking to him, and it was obvious that he was excited to be finally talking to her. ”How’s your day been?” Finley asked. “Relaxing, I’d say. I’ve been sitting here just reading a book. What about yours?” he asked. Where do I even start? Finley thought and made herself smile. She wasn’t used to being happy about her day. “I saw a horror movie at the cinema and then went shopping. I was not really shopping, though; I was just walking around the mall. While I was there, I met a young lady called Ashley, and we went bouldering together,” before Finley was finished, Cody said, “What?” but it wasn’t a question; it was more of an impressed reaction. “Now my day looks so shit,” he said with a huge smile. “I mean, you look energetic, and I look like I’m about to fall asleep,” Finley said. “You look great,” he blurted out.

They both had no idea that was coming. As soon as Cody uttered those words, they both turned red. They avoided eye contact for a few seconds but could still see each other smiling with red faces. Finley decided to break the silence. “You’re on the running team, right?” she asked, taking a huge sip from her cold brew. “Y-y-y-es,” Cody said with a huge stutter. He covered his eyes with one of his hands. He was embarrassed, but he still found it funny. They started laughing. He cleared his throat and continued, “Yes, I am, but I never heard anything about you being a climber though,” he wanted to hear more about it. “That’s not surprising. Today was my first,” she clarified. “Oh, okay… Did you have fun?” he asked. “I don’t think I’ve ever had that much fun,” Finley said with a huge smile. He tilted his head a little bit. He looked like he was deciding on what to say next. Go on, just say it, Finley thought. “I-I always wanted to try bouldering. It looks fun,” he said. So, I need to be the one saying it, she thought. Finley took a deep breath and asked, “Would you like to go bouldering together?”

This time, Cody decided there was no need to think about it. “I would like that,” he said. They kept eye contact for a little while with huge smiles on their faces. My heart is racing, Finley thought. After a couple of hours of talking about random stuff, she felt the emptiness of her stomach. Before leaving, they exchanged phone numbers. “See you at school tomorrow,” Finley said. I hope to see you at school.

As always, her parents weren’t at home. Finley was used to that. At least they give me a decent allowance, she kept thinking, but she knew it was just a coping mechanism. Today was different, though. She liked being at home by herself. She kept dancing and singing while cooking. She used every ounce of energy she had left. “I’m such a good cook,” she whispered after taking the first bite. After dinner, she was slumped. There were still a couple of hours left before midnight, but she decided to go to bed. What a fucking day! I wonder if I can time everything right and experience it again? Finley thought, reminiscing about her day. She closed her eyes and went to sleep with a smile on her face. This was a first.

The sound of an alarm going off. Finley woke up drenched in cold sweat. She kept looking around her room. It didn’t look like a parking lot. Her eyes started burning. She wanted to believe that it was a nightmare. There is no way I tried getting sold, she thought, but she knew the truth. She wanted to prove herself wrong, but she knew she couldn’t. “Did I just leave him to die? I should go check on him, “ she paused. “Should I?”

Your beauty deserves a beautiful life.

Finley knew what she should do and what he would’ve wanted her to do. ”I should go bouldering with Cody.”